On The Edge Of Adulthood

I am also afraid of the future.

 

Being a teenager, standing on the edge of making some of the most vital decisions of my life is a scary thing. 

In the middle of May, I had to go to the hospital after our family doctor referred me to a surgeon. I had two abscesses on my underarm that had to be removed under anesthesia because they were too deep to be drained out in his appointment room.

I had the surgery that same day and I am incredibly grateful to the doctor who removed the abscesses (he was incredible!) and the warm nurses who cared for me. 

I stayed in the hospital for four days to prevent infection and it was such an interesting experience, especially because I was fearful of it.

 

Strangely enough, my time at the hospital made me want to become a doctor. 

This isn't actually the first time I've considered a career in the medical field. Biology and science is fascinating and I think med school will be intellectually satisfying for me because of my love for learning and doing research. I fell almost in love with the idea of being a doctor, the long hours, the different patients, the amount of learning and many other elements that I know I'll enjoy. 

 

But I had many doubts about it and ultimately decided that becoming a doctor won't be the best choice for me, despite the things that I love about it. I'm still curious about the medical field and I can always study later when I'm 150% sure that is what I want to do. 

But, will I ever be 150% sure? Will we ever be sure?

I think many teenagers who are standing on this edge have a lot of pressure to be sure because they can't afford not to be sure.

While others, like myself, are blessed to not experience such pressure.

Pressure, whether external or internal, is probably one of the biggest factors in becoming an adult. Plus the uncertainty, the fear, the excitement. 

Usually, I have advice, like in previous posts. But, today I have none.

And I don't see that as a bad thing.

I could give you advice but I don't think it'll be as helpful to you as it is to me, because we are all on a unique, individual journey of our own. 

 

My beautiful friend and I talked about how, in fifth grade, we used to look up to the Grade 12 students in our school. They were so tall and had different school uniforms and wore a blazer that looked like the best thing ever. 

We talked about how we are currently becoming those Grade 12 students and how different things are compared to how we actually saw them.

 

I remember looking up to these students, thinking they're so cool because they're adults and they're doing difficult math concepts and writing all these exams and how they can go to college now!!

 

But now that I'm getting closer to their age, I realize I wouldn't be so cool. I am doing difficult math concepts, I guess I am an adult and my last year of school will have four major exams. And I can go to college.

 

But, which college? What career do I want? Where do I want to live? 

 

I did my ID card application last week and I'll be making an appointment to write my learner's license test pretty soon too.

 

Next year I'll be getting my driver's license, I'll be able to open a bank account, I'll be able to vote. 

I'll finish school. 

I almost forgot one thing, now that we are turning into adults, we'll have to start worrying about bills and taxes and grocery shopping. 

When you are making the exhilarating transition from adolescence to young adulthood, you'll probably be thinking of everything I've said and more. 

Whenever I tell my mom about the guilt or embarrassment I feel because of a mistake I made in the past, she always says, 'The good thing is, you learned from it. You now know how to prevent the mistake from happening again. You are wiser because of it."

I also worry about the mistakes I'll make in the future. But, sometimes those mistakes take us to where we need to be. 

That is my perception of it.

For what it's worth, I think this will be one of the most prominent and exciting times of our lives and I think we should make the most of it, despite our fears. 

I've decided to try my best, always praying for things I worry about and trusting God as I put my faith first. I've decided that I'm taking it one day at a time, accepting challenges, adapting to any environment I am put in. 

As our lives lay ahead of us, like one big, long road, we should travel with self-compassion, allowing ourselves to learn from inevitable mistakes, creating happiness for our souls and living in the present. 

I hope this post shows you that you are not alone in your fear, excitement, worry and anxiousness as you start a new chapter in your life! 

Becoming an adult won't be easy but it'll be exhilarating and from my side, I wish you nothing but the best as you embark on your journey! 

“Becoming an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.”

- Unknown 

bye xx